Only two responses to my blog about wives using sexually explicit material? Hmm. Expected more. Maybe the subject is too embarrassing or people don’t want to be associated with any discussion of it.
Maybe.
Maybe something else altogether.
Based on the couples we see in our workshop for marriages in crisis, sex outside the marriage bed – whether with another person present in person or on film – has negative effect on a marriage. We’ve had couples come through who used to use porn together. We’ve had couples come through the workshop that used to swing, wife-swap, or participate in the lifestyle (choose the phrase currently in vogue). While some increase in marital satisfaction takes place over the near future if both parties are “into” it and go at it enthusiastically, inevitably it goes bad.
With swingers, it’s not uncommon for one to fall in love with one of the swinging partners. With people using porn, it’s not uncommon for one to begin to feel inadequate, either in physical appearance, endowment, or in sexual or lovemaking skill. Continually seeing others who never get older, never wrinkle, and who specialize in sexual skills eventually leads to one feeling inferior.
Without more comments from others, I won’t go into long discourse here. I’ll just cut to the bottom line. Using porn or other sexually explicit materials may be exciting if both like it, but the costs/benefits analysis isn’t good. The loss of self-esteem, feeling inadequate, feeling unneeded, etc. causes the short-termed excitement to evolve into long-term feelings of incompleteness.
And this doesn’t even get into any of the spiritual dimensions…