Q: “Why do people act like sex is a prerequisite? They act like they’re gonna die if they don’t get it.”
A: Hmm. The meaning of prerequisite is “something required as a prior condition” (according to Dictionary.com, my daily source of fascinating information….). What you don’t put in your question is what you think people act like sex is a prerequisite to. To a relationship? To marriage? To internal peace and fulfillment? To being relaxed enough to go to sleep? To work your way up the corporate ladder (what am I saying…surely THAT never happens)? To being popular? To get infamous via the same path as Paris Hilton? To sell records like Britney or Madonna?
Shall I go on….
Nah. I believe I’ve made my point.
Some people make sex a prerequisite for one thing, others for another. Some have never had sex at all (but among adults that percentage is very, very small). I think the real questi0n is, should I allow others to make my being sexual (especially with them) to be a prerequisite to getting something that I want? If a girl has sex with a boy so that he will be her boyfriend, she can say all day long that he is the reason she does that, but the truth is that it is her decision to do that. Unless someone is forcing us (through fear or raw power) to be sexual, it is our decision as to whether we do or not. We know that everything in life is a trade-off in some manner. You can’t be a physician unless you intend to spend many years in school and training. You can’t eat a dozen Krispy Kremes every day and expect to be supermodel thin (though I have tried and tried…). In life we always give up something to get something. That’s just the way it is. But it is always my choice as to what I give up.
The question I should ask myself before any decisions of consequence is: Is the gain worth the cost? Another way to say it is: Am I losing more than I am getting?
A lady called me on live radio a few years ago and told this story. Her fiance wanted her to have a ménage à trois with him and his best friend. She consented. In just a few months he called off the wedding and broke off his relationship with her. Why? He said he couldn’t get out of his mind the image of her with the other guy. I explained to her that his convincing her to do the threesome was his focus on short-term consequences without consideration of long-term consequences. I also told her that’s where most of us mess up in life. We don’t consider the long-term cost verse the long-term gain. Most of us would make very different decisions if we did.
My strong suggestion to anyone is that you should never allow sex to be a prerequisite to any relationship. Respect yourself. Be pure.
However, the other side of that is that sex is very much supposed to be a part of certain relationships. In marriage, a person should be sexual because one of the reasons for marriage is to make love with your spouse. Even the Bible commands that in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Sex in that context isn’t a demand that must be met to be loved; it is love acting in the relationship.
Finally, allow me to comment about your statement “They act like they’re gonna die if they don’t get it.” Actually, that is true. Not necessarily of the individual wanting it, but of the human race as a whole. No sex; no babies. No babies; eventually no adults. So sex does keep us (humankind) alive. As part of that most of us are hardwired to crave sex. Though we typically in our culture don’t think of sex in terms of procreation, that is its primary purpose. Why do you think God made it so much fun? So enjoyable? So fulfilling? So bonding to a couple? He did it so we would have sex and as a result there would be babies.
Don’t think that I believe that every sexual act must procreate a baby. I don’t. I’m all for birth control to keep the planet manageable. But a deep rooted desire within us to have sex is put there on purpose.
Thank you, God.