QUESTION: Should a child choose between divorcing parents?
ANSWER: In general
QUESTION: How does staying together for the kids affect the kids?
ANSWER: To answer this, I give you a direct quote
QUESTION: Can a couple be happy if they stay together for the kids?
ANSWER: I’ll answer that question, but the first question to consider is how
A writer sent a series of questions about the topic ”Should we stay together for the kids?” I share her question and my answer.
QUESTION: Do you think it’s a good or bad idea to stay together for kids? Please explain your answer.
ANSWER: Since 1994, we’ve worked every year with hundreds of marriages in crisis . We regularly hear from one or both spouses statements such as,
QUESTION: My husband ejaculates in a minute or two after we start making love. Even if it is every day or every other day. For 14 years. I said try for at least 5 minutes; he said he would like at least 10. I can understand if we were newlyweds or if it had been long time in between the times we made love. But every time? He doesn’t want to do it that fast. He says he isn’t too excited (sometimes I beg to differ LOL). Maybe it’s a sensitivity issue. Usually after it happens, he will get soft in a few minutes, leaving me stranded. That embarrasses him and it takes him awhile to get an erection again. He is almost 36 and I am 40. We are non-smoking, non-drinking, not overweight. How do we go about overcoming husband’s premature ejaculation? Help!
ANSWER: This question shows up often. I will share with you information about overcoming premature ejaculation – pharmaceuticals, methods, devices, and more. Before I answer, please allow me to muddy the waters with scientific ramblings. It’s what we do to show people how smart we are. Then I’ll deal with the problem directly.
QUESTION: If your spouse does not give you what you need, is it better (or more damaging) to expect your spouse to live up to your need or to lower your standard? For example – my husband and I were having an issue. As we tried to figure out why I react the way I do, some very painful things from my past were brought to mind. I already know that he is terrible at empathy, but eventually he tried to comfort me, and even offered to pray for me. I was very touched by this, but when he started to pray, his prayer was actually more about himself, how he feels like he is being attacked by Satan, and how even what’s going on with me is affecting him. In the end, I did not have any of my needs met, but I do know that he was trying. He was sincere and I appreciated the effort. My question: Is it better for me to not expect him to meet my needs and appreciate the effort, or frustrate him by letting him know? I know that you are very busy and I appreciate it in advance if you are able to clarify this!
ANSWER: The times it makes sense to lower an expectation is when
Every year I reprint this message from my friend Steve Brumfield. He wrote it after the death of his beloved wife Sue.
I understand and am well aware that most of us do not want unsolicited advice, but would like to offer up some thoughts about my favorite holiday. . .Valentines Day.
For a number of years I would get Sue candy and flowers. She liked the candy. Did not like the cut roses, because they were cut. . .dead flowers to her. . .plus they charge you twice as much. So about ten years prior to her death, I started doing silly things. . .small things.
Our last Valentines’ day was Feb. 2007. For the previous ten years I had gotten her each year a stuffed singing something. . .one year it was a mouse dressed up in an evening gown with a little wig and microphone singing FEVER. Another year it was a Gorilla that sang WILD THING. And on and on. She liked some better than others. We saved them. In Feb. of ‘07 I got a bunch of stuff to decorate the mantle. Got a white shoe polish pencil so I could write things on the mirror in her bathroom and over the window above the kitchen sink. I got all the singing stuffed things out from previous years and put them on the mantle (at 2 or 3 in the morning). Put the latest addition, a dog that sang I CAN’T STOP LOVING YOU beside the coffee pot and a note telling her to go in and play cut six on the CD, a John Denver song, “For You.”
Generally, women appreciate thoughtfulness more than big gifts. . .at least in my case. On Valentine’s day ‘08 I thought back with fondness thinking that if I had known Valentine’s Day ‘07 would have been our last one, I don’t know what more I would have done. (but they do like big gifts every now and then.) Thoughtfulness cost less and is more appreciated with a big gift here and there along the way.
QUESTON: I am a 22-year-old who feels that she knows less about sex than other people my age. A couple months ago I got married and am learning about sex as we go along. One thing I wonder about is if there is a way that I could reach orgasm during intercourse. I have to have extra stimulation beyond my husband being within me to reach orgasm. Can you tell me how a female can orgasm during intercourse just by penile penetration?
ANSWER: Many couples discover that the wife cannot orgasm from penile penetration alone. Therefore, if you have any worries about you or your husband having some malfunction, throw that thought out. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you or him. Actually, it may bother him more than it does you because some men feel that they may not be large enough or skilled enough if their wives do not orgasm during intercourse from penile penetration. However, that is not the problem. In actuality, there is NO problem. But, if you really want to try to have an orgasm that way, I have a few suggestions.
When will my past affair stop haunting me? Sometimes the memories just pop up and I feel so dirty. I sometimes find myself caught up in a memory that is like reliving it, then I snap out of it. It is truly horrible. How long does this last? Is there an end? It is so hard. I love my husband more now than I EVER did and this tears me up. Thanks for listening and please pray.
ANSWER: My response falls into the “bad news / good news” category.
The bad news is
QUESTION: My 40-year-old wife seems to think she is going through menopause. For this reason she is just not interested in sex at all. Her memory seems to be short, too, because when I tell her that she has a problem and needs to talk, she is all willing to, but then as the day goes on she forgets what we talked about. To top this all off (while drunk as a skunk) she told me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore and has feelings for my oldest son’s friend who is 20. I’m rambling and wouldn’t normally ask for help, let alone online, but please help. I’m at my wit’s end.
ANSWER: Your wife has memory problems, gets drunk, has feelings for a man half her age, and has no interest in sex whatsoever. Because you have the courage to ask publicly for my help, I offer it. Hopefully my frank response will not offend you. The short answer is