It appears that the experts are at odds again. (Has it ever been any other way?) If you read this article on USA Today, you’ll see what I mean. Some say that today’s teens rate themselves far too highly and that bodes ill for their futures when they inevitably fail or struggle at something. Others say that this strong belief in themselves will give them greater success in life and better ability to achieve their goals.

I’m quite sure that you’re waiting for this expert to weigh in on the subject…(hmm, maybe I’ve reentered my teenage years?)

My son-in-law Lee Wilson, the father of two boys 7 and 4, quickly points out that the Bible says, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” (Romans 12:3) Of course, in context that was about folks thinking that the spiritual gifts God had give them made them VIPs in the Kingdom, but his point is valid. In II Timothy 3:2, Paul writes negatively about those who are lovers of self.

If you’ve watched the early weeding process on American Idol where kids that have no singing ability come in to face the jovial Randy, the unpredictable Paula, and the grinch named Simon, you’ve seen people who have enormously exaggerated views of their talents.  When they are told they cannot sing, the kind I’m referring to throw tantrums, make threats, and generally act like two-year-olds. I fully expect to see one hold his/her breath until they turn blue and refuse to eat their broccoli.

However, there are those that succeed in life because of the very fact that they did believe in themselves as kids. Remember the story about Jim Carrey writing himself a $20 million check and carrying it in his wallet for years? For those who are older, have you noticed that some kid you went to school with who was obnoxiously self-centered grew up to make a fortune or some other type of success?

So where’s the balance?

Jesus said that we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It’s been pointed out for centuries that those who don’t have a proper love for self don’t know how to have a proper love for others. It seems to me that the difference in the love for self that Jesus speaks of and the lovers of selves that Paul writes about is this; acceptance rather than arrogance. If I accept myself as I am, I will love me. That type self-acceptance is not trying to convince myself that I am perfect; it is not ignoring my flaws; it is not blaming all setbacks on someone else and taking all credit for good things. It means that I accept what I am, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is then that I can grow and change and mature because I am not my own worst enemy nor am I my own blinded groupie. I see the things that should be different about me but don’t fall into depression because I have those blemishes. I also see the things that are good about me and feel good about who I am. That’s a great type of self love that provides me the ability to love others by accepting both their good and bad.

So what does that mean to a parent raising a child?

In my opinion it means that you praise the good. You don’t lie to them, even to be nice, by leading them to believe they have gifts they don’t have. I’m not saying be critical. That’s a terrible thing to do to a child. You don’t want your kids growing up thinking that they cannot measure up. You help them learn where their gifts lie and give them just enough encouragement for them to develop at THEIR rate, not YOURs. (God deliver us from any more “stage mothers.”) Help them discover who they are, not what you want to force them to be. And above all, remember the power of acceptance. Love them as they are, the good and the bad, and watch the good take over.

By the way, the best thing you can do for your kids is have a great marriage. If yours isn’t, we can help. See www,joebeam.com.