Q: I gave birth 3 weeks ago and my husband and I would like keep our sex life going while we’re waiting for the 6 week “all clear.” Do you have any tips on oral sex or could you point me to a non-sleazy source for this info?
A: Instructions for how to do oral sex abound on the Internet, but as you wisely surmised, much of it is on sites that most Christians (or even just conservative people) would call sleazy. I’ll give a short course at the end of this blog. (Really short, but I think helpful.)
Some conservatives have indicated their displeasure with me when I say that oral sex is not condemned in Scripture. Our friends who believe that any male orgasm must always carry the possibility of insemination obviously must believe that oral sex is wrong. If a man were to ejaculate (or even possibly ejaculate) anywhere but in the vagina, that would be wrong in their view. Of course, that rules out masturbation, oral sex, and the like because ejaculation may take place other than when the penis is inserted into the vagina.
Most of the animal kingdom have sex only when the female is in heat. Some, such as humans, dolphins, and some primates such as Bonobos, actually have sex whenever they wish, not just when the female is fertile and seeking impregnation. Sex for them is not just for procreation but accomplishes other things as well — enjoyment and fun (yep, animals do some things just for the fun of it; read here), closeness, stress reduction, health benefits, and the like.
If you read this passage in context in the Song of Songs, it appears to me that she is inviting Solomon to perform oral sex on her. See Song of Solomon (sometimes called Song of Songs) chapter 4, verse 16. I’ve written more extensively about that passage in my book Becoming ONE, if you are interested.
Now, how does one do it for the best enjoyment and fulfillment?
Simple.
Play. Experiment. Guide each other on what feels good and what doesn’t. Don’t be shy and/or inhibited. Neither the secretions of the male or female are harmful, unless the person is already sick with something that you would have already gotten from intercourse. The key is to take your time, guide each other, take turns, and develop your own methodology which is the most fulfilling.
If you wish to know more about which parts of the anatomy are most sensitive on the male (which parts of the penis), or the female, ask and I will answer.