You’ve had it happen to you. You said something as clearly as you knew how and the other person responded in a way that indicated that s/he heard something else entirely. To demonstrate how difficult communication can be, read the following sentence and determine what it means:
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.”
Simple enough to understand, isn’t it? Maybe not. Watch what happens to the meaning when you change emphasis from one word to another. Read each of the following sentences aloud emphasizing the word that is bolded, italicized, and underlined. As you do, notice how the implication of the sentence changes.
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that it wasn’t me that heard it. My knowledge is secondhand.)
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I believe he yelled at his wife but I didn’t personally hear it. Therefore, I’m telling you what I think, not what I know.)
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I did hear someone yell at his wife, but it wasn’t him.)
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I heard him communicate something to his wife but that he wasn’t yelling.)
“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I heard him yelling, but not at his wife.)
One simple sentence of eight words, but changing emphasis gives it at least six possible meanings. No wonder our world of text messages and emails causes so much confusion. Even face-to-face conversation fails when either the speaker or hearer misses or misconstrues the inflections of specific words.
What’s the lesson?
Communication takes place only when the hearer receives the same thought that the speaker sends. Most of the time, we don’t take time to make sure that happens. However, in matters of importance or possible emotional reaction, it is wise for the speaker to genuinely and sincerely ask the hearer to feed back the message received. Also, when a message heard seems unusual, uncomfortable, or distressing, it is wise for the hearer to repeat back what s/he understood to make sure that the intended message was the one received.
In short, pay attention, don’t react to what the other person might have said, and take the time to make sure that both are understanding the same thing.