QUESTON: I am a 22-year-old who feels that she knows less about sex than other people my age. A couple months ago I got married and am learning about sex as we go along. One thing I wonder about is if there is a way that I could reach orgasm during intercourse. I have to have extra stimulation beyond my husband being within me to reach orgasm. Can you tell me how a female can orgasm during intercourse just by penile penetration?

ANSWER: Many couples discover that the wife cannot orgasm from penile penetration alone. Therefore, if you have any worries about you or your husband having some malfunction, throw that thought out. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you or him. Actually, it may bother him more than it does you because some men feel that they may not be large enough or skilled enough if their wives do not orgasm during intercourse from penile penetration. However, that is not the problem. In actuality, there is NO problem. But, if you really want to try to have an orgasm that way, I have a few suggestions.

A key here it to understand the importance of the clitoris. The clitoris has one and only one function. It brings pleasure to the female. Stimulation of the clitoris either directly or indirectly contributes to orgasms, though it is not always the only source for orgasm. (I’ll explain that in more detail if someone asks.) For the sake of our discussion, the clitoris is our focus. Creating more pressure or friction on the clitoris may provide you with the answer you seek.

Though you may examine your clitoris in a mirror and think it to be very small, it actually is about 4 to 5 inches. The part of your clitoris that you see protruding from the clitoral hood (prepuce) is the tip of the iceberg. Your clitoris also consists of a crus (leg) down each side of your vulva in sort of a wishbone arrangement as shown in this drawing.

This image originated at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clitoris_anatomy_labeled-en.svg

Therefore, intercourse stimulates your clitoris in two ways. First, the positioning of the male and female affects the level of stimulation directly on the part of the clitoris that protrudes from the clitoral hood. Second, the movement of intercourse causes the inner lips of the vulva (labia minora) to move. Their movement causes (or at least may cause) stimulation to both crura of the clitoris.

If there is not enough stimulation to the clitoris, the woman may not orgasm from the act of intercourse. (There are exceptions to this, but why make this any more confusing than I already have???) The insufficient stimulation may be because of the way he is shaped, she is shaped, or both are shaped. Everyone is a little different physically, so thinking that any two people will blend perfectly in their intercourse is not realistic. It is the fault of neither.

One possibility for creating more friction on the clitoris during intercourse is what I call the reverse  missionary position. The traditional missionary position has the woman on her back with the man atop her and his legs between her legs. The reverse position I refer to has her still on her back, but instead of his legs being inside hers, she holds her legs together and he places his legs outside of hers. When he enters her vagina in that position, it creates more pressure/friction on the clitoris as the penis moves in and out of the vagina. The penis cannot go as deep in that position, but because the nerve endings within the vagina are in the first two to three inches, it can still be pleasant for the woman, as well as creating a greater likelihood of her achieving orgasm from penetration. The man may not enjoy it quite as much as when he is able to go deeper, so this position may work better if done to help her orgasm and then switch back to another position for his.

There are other positions to try as well. In ventroventral copulation, the lovers are face-to-face. In dorsoventral, the male is behind the female as he enters her vagina. That change of angle can sometimes facilitate orgasm by creating more friction on the clitoris. (That position may also facilitate stimulation of the area of her vagina often called the g-spot. If you want to know more about that, ask.) Rear entry positions for entering the vagina are varied. The couple can lie on their sides. They can stand with her bent forward to facilitate that entry. She may be on her knees with him behind her. Well, you get the idea.

Dorsoventral vaginal entry has another advantage. Even if the woman cannot achieve orgasm only from penile penetration when the man enters her vagina from behind her, that position presents easy access to the clitoris for direct stimulation by his hand, her hand, or a mechanical device. Therefore, she can orgasm while having intercourse, but the orgasm is facilitated by extra stimulation of the clitoris.

Hope this helps. If you wish to ask more sexual questions for me to write about in this blog, you can send them to me via the form at http://bit.ly/XjtsMk.