If you’ve watched NBC’s Today Show, you’ve likely seen Natalie Morales. If not, check out her picture and bio here http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3080436/. You will see that she is beautiful. However, Natalie is one of those people that neither TV nor pictures can do justice. As pretty as she is on screen, in person she’s stunning. I think that one of the things that makes her even prettier is that she doesn’t seem to know that she’s pretty. Or famous. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
When Natalie interviewed me on Today, there was also a psychologist on with me. As we talked about marriages and marital problems, the psychologist said something like, “Of course, you can’t help any couple until they both want help.”
When I’m on national TV I am typically very polite, so my reply was gentle. I said, “Well, over several years we’ve proven that a marriage in crisis can be saved even if neither of them wants to save it. If a couple will spend three days with me in the weekend turnaround workshop I do for marriages in crisis, there is a documented three out of four chance that the marriage will be saved and the couple will remain married for years.”
The psychologist seemed to take my comment as an affront. She said, “Well, I guess you’re better than I am at this.”
Did I mention that on national TV I tend to be very polite?
Therefore, I didn’t say what some of my friends probably cringed in expectation of my saying. Instead, I just smiled and told her that if she ever wanted to attend, I’d be happy for her to see what we do.
A few years ago I, too, believed you could only help a couple if both wanted it. How in the world could anyone hope to save a marriage unless both of them wish it saved? However, I know better now. Over nearly ten years I’ve witnessed it again and again. He doesn’t want to be there but his boss pressured him. She doesn’t want to be there but her minister wouldn’t relent. Neither wanted to be there but their kids stood firm. And still three out of four of those couples turn their marriage around in one weekend and go on to stay married happily.
So should you put the screws on a couple to come to my workshop for marriages in crisis? Obviously, my answer is somewhat prejudiced, but I say that you should do anything and everything that isn’t immoral or illegal. Why? Because 75% odds are pretty good, don’t you think.
Regularly I bump into people who convinced a couple to come. Just the other day Royce Rhea, a CPA in Middle Tennessee, told me again the story of nearly complete strangers that he talked into coming a few years ago. He smiled broadly as he described how well they are doing today. I gave him another pat on the back for having the courage to convince them.
Dr. David Kemp, a well-respected Orthodonist, pulled me aside on another day to tell me that both the couples he has convinvced to come in the last couple years are doing great. I patted his back, too.
These guys are heros. They knew where hope lives and used all their ability to infuence and persuade couples to come. They are just as much a part of saving those marriages — and helping them become healthy and happy — as anyone in my organization who worked directly with these couples. After all, we can’t help them if someone doesn’t get them to us.
What about you? Do you know a couple in trouble with their marriage? Want to be a hero? Contact us at info@joebeam.com.