All day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Alice and I, along with Charles Hayden and Jon Hazelip, will be in workshop with several married couples. Most face major issues in their relationship. Most are in crisis. We often hear from participants that we are the “last effort” before proceeding with divorce. Actually, some who come have already filed for divorce, but come just in case there is one last chance.
At the end of the day on Friday, I usually tell Alice that NONE of them are going to make it. By Saturday evening, I tell her there may be a few, and then on Sunday evening can tell her with fair accuracy which will make it and which will not. Our average, over ten years, is three of four couples salvaging the marriage and making it good again. While I’d love to see that at 100%, I guess it will never happen. Too much hurt. Too much stubbornness. Too much fear. Too much anger. I could go on but you get the idea. The fact that we have the success rate we do is a miracle in itself. Most, sometimes every, couple shows up with at least one spouse who doesn’t want to be there. They come to salve conscience, placate parents, demonstrate love for their children, or to get someone – such as a pastor – off their backs. A three of four success rate when so many come with other intentions than trying to save the marriage is amazing, don’t you think?
As much as I dread experiencing so much pain, I have one of these workshops every month. It drains all of us but it is so very needed and must go on. Every marriage that God uses us to save is valuable. Each is crucially important to children, friends, community, and the kingdom of God.
Please pray for us and for all the couples who will be there.
If God puts a couple in trouble in your path, send them to us. Get them to come even if they don’t want to. With God at work, we have a strong chance of seeing that marriage healed.