when are you ready to marry?
One couple I know met on a blind date at 8 p.m. and were married by midnight. That was about 35 years ago when things like that were easy to do.
Over the years two men came and sat with me for hours thinking through whether they were ready to marry the woman they were dating. One sat in my office, and a few years later the other sat in my gazebo. Very different situations. Same bottom line. “I know I care for her, but how do I know if I should marry her.”
Dr. Robert Sternberg designed a model to measure love. It measure three important dimensions — commitment, intimacy, and passion. In his book, Cupid’s Arrow, you can find the profile, take it, and compare your scores to what he says are high, medium, and low scores. I like the profile and use it a lot. If you don’t want to buy the book, let me know and I’ll help you find the profile. However, it isn’t so much your score on the profile that will tell you what you need to know as it is comparing your score with the person you think you may be in love with. It gives interesting insight into how similarly or dissimarily you feel about each other. That’s a great thing to know before you pop the question (or answer the question).
If you aren’t interested in the profile, here are a few questions I suggest you ask yourself:
1. How committed am I to this person, especially in terms of what I believe my commitment will be in the future?
2. How open and honest about all my “secrets” can I be with this person without fear that he/she will leave me? (And how open and honest can she/he be without my fearing I might leave if I know those secrets?)
3. How much desire do I have to share everything in my life with this person? My experiences, my dreams, my hobbies, my religion, and everything else that is important to me. In other words, do I want oneness with this person?
Give us more suggestions of what to consider. We’d like to hear.