Question: My husband and I aren’t doing too well. A year ago, he had an affair on more than one occasion with my best girlfriend at the time. He says it never went beyond kissing so I tried so hard to push my feelings down to make it possible to forgive and forget. I just can’t forget it. I would like for my marriage to work but I am afraid that the trust is just gone forever. Not only is trust an issue, we also fight all of the time and he talks down to me. It seems like we have the same conversation about us being unhappy every 6 months. I’m just so worn out. I finally got the courage to leave him and I am staying at a friend’s house. He says he wants to work on it, I’m just not sure. He keeps saying that I am just giving up and that I don’t have one last fighting chance. It is just so hard because 6 months ago he asked for one more chance and did the same thing 6 months before that and so on. My question is, what should we do? Should I continue with the divorce process or should I suck it up and try one last time. I’m just scared that if I do, we will just go back to square one and end up where we are now again in 6 months.
Also, While I am at my friends, he keeps texting me asking me if I will have sex with him. He said he thinks that we should “have a one night stand” he wants me to go back to the house, have sex with him, and then go on my way. I would like to relieve some built up urges but I’m not sure that would be a wise thing to do because I don’t want to send mixed signals. What should I do?
Answer: Some research indicates that men have more difficulty forgiving the sexual aspects of an affair while women have more difficulty forgiving the emotional aspects. That seems to apply to the two of you. He justified his emotional entanglement by assuring you it was only kissing (implying that he views the sexual act as the “bad” thing and he didn’t do that). You have trouble getting past his kissing her because that meant some level of emotional involvement with her. Continue reading