In my work with marriages in crisis since 1994, 67% of those marriages have been affected by infidelity. Some on the part of the husband, some the wife, some both. If the affair was short-lived – primarily about sex – the crisis is real but not as difficult to repair as when one of them is “madly in love” with another person. I understand that many who work with marriages in trouble refuse to enroll couples if one spouse is still in this emotional state with the paramour. Over the years, I’ve welcomed them to our workshops even in the midst of these emotionally powerful affairs and have had great success Continue reading
Our last blog began with this question: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?
ANSWER: If you have not read Part One, I recommend you go to this link and read it before reading this blog.
Here, I wish to speak to the part of her question: “How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral Continue reading
QUESTION: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?
ANSWER: Your husband is not alone in his desire to use Sexually Explicit Materials (SEM). On any given day Continue reading
An excerpt from The Art of Falling in Love about passion.
Passion, though sexual, is much more. It is a craving for oneness with the other. Sexual passion subsides with the length of relationship, but passion can grow throughout a lifetime. It’s the emotion you feel when you experience something wonderful — maybe a gorgeous sunset, or an exciting event — and the first thought that springs to mind is the wish that your lover were with you to share it. This passion keeps love not only alive, but also dynamic, and is even better in older ages than at younger ones. Continue reading
QUESTION: My husband ejaculates in a minute or two after we start making love. Even if it is every day or every other day. For 14 years. I said try for at least 5 minutes; he said he would like at least 10. I can understand if we were newlyweds or if it had been long time in between the times we made love. But every time? He doesn’t want to do it that fast. He says he isn’t too excited (sometimes I beg to differ LOL). Maybe it’s a sensitivity issue. Usually after it happens, he will get soft in a few minutes, leaving me stranded. That embarrasses him and it takes him awhile to get an erection again. He is almost 36 and I am 40. We are non-smoking, non-drinking, not overweight. How do we go about overcoming husband’s premature ejaculation? Help!
ANSWER: This question shows up often. I will share with you information about overcoming premature ejaculation – pharmaceuticals, methods, devices, and more. Before I answer, please allow me to muddy the waters with scientific ramblings. It’s what we do to show people how smart we are. Then I’ll deal with the problem directly. Continue reading
QUESTON: I am a 22-year-old who feels that she knows less about sex than other people my age. A couple months ago I got married and am learning about sex as we go along. One thing I wonder about is if there is a way that I could reach orgasm during intercourse. I have to have extra stimulation beyond my husband being within me to reach orgasm. Can you tell me how a female can orgasm during intercourse just by penile penetration?
ANSWER: Many couples discover that the wife cannot orgasm from penile penetration alone. Therefore, if you have any worries about you or your husband having some malfunction, throw that thought out. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you or him. Actually, it may bother him more than it does you because some men feel that they may not be large enough or skilled enough if their wives do not orgasm during intercourse from penile penetration. However, that is not the problem. In actuality, there is NO problem. But, if you really want to try to have an orgasm that way, I have a few suggestions. Continue reading
QUESTION: I hope this message is not out of line. With your educational background and Christian beliefs, you seem to be the perfect person to ask about sex relations in marriage. My question is this; in marriage is sex restricted to intercourse? Is oral sex a sin? Is it impure? Please answer my question. The closer I get to God the more I have doubts about my personal life with my husband.
ANSWER: I think I shocked Lester Holt on the Today Show a few years ago when I listed the three principles I believe sum up Bible sexual prohibitions. We were live, so he could not do anything but gulp when I gave my answer to his question about what God does not allow. Continue reading
QUESTION: Everyone always says the husband has more sexual desire than the wife, so you can imagine that you feel a little disillusioned when it’s the other way around. It’s always been this way, to a certain extent, but has been exaggerated with having a toddler, stress and busy schedules. We are intimate about once per month, if I’m lucky. I am very dissatisfied with this level of frequency. Not only do I enjoy sex with my husband, but when he doesn’t want me, it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me or undesirable about me and leaves me feeling angry and insecure. On top of this, now we want to try for our second child, but you can’t get pregnant if you don’t have sex! There’s always something that he has to work late and come to bed after me, or he’s too tired or stressed out, etc. I’ve worked hard to lose my post-baby weight, try different romantic things, be thoughtful during the day, everything for over 5 years now, including trying doing nothing. What should I do differently!? Please help!
ANSWER: Please do not include me in the “everyone always says the husband has more sexual desire than the wife.” Continue reading
QUESTION: I am a divorcee and I miss having sex very much. When I feel the urge (sexual desire), I watch porn and masturbate. No, I am not a sex addict and I am not a porn addict. This may happen once or twice a month and even sometimes a couple of months go by and it doesn’t happen. As a Christian woman, I feel horrible when I do this. I think that masturbation is a sin, but I can’t back it up with Scripture. I am under the impression from reading your blog that you do not think it is sin. Can you please clarify this for me using Scripture? I read on a Christian web site that singles who masturbate do not sin because masturbation is the outlet they can have for their sexual desires since they do not have a wife/husband in their lives. Also, if masturbation is not a sin in and of itself, does it become sin when porn gets added into the mix? And this may sound like a stupid question, but why is watching porn sin? Can you back it up with Scripture? Thank you. God bless.
ANSWER: Unfortunately, I discovered that I started to answer this in October 2011 but somehow lost track of it. Now, a year later, I finally respond. Forgive me please.
It appears that a great percentage of the evangelical community considers masturbation a sin. However, on the rare occasion when I get to query one of them about this belief, it becomes apparent that though they argue against masturbation, in reality their opposition is to Continue reading
QUESTION: (from the UK) Please, God requires Holiness for Man. I thought of our environment on how many homes are breaking down because of sex and sex satisfaction.
(1) Do Christian have restrictions to sex position? What may a husband and wife do in their inner room with regards to sex style whether dirty or horrible; i.e. anal sex, oral sex, etc.?
(2) If either the wife or husband refuse such approach (sex style) as initiated by one of them, it could lead to adultery, so what can they do?
ANSWER: Ample research exists in the scholarly journals about the relationship between sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction. They appear to increase or decrease simultaneously. However, I have not yet seen solid research that proves causality. It seems intuitive that one affects the other Continue reading