Category Archives: Sex
QUESTION: My husband ejaculates in a minute or two after we start making love. Even if it is every day or every other day. For 14 years. I said try for at least 5 minutes; he said he would like at least 10. I can understand if we were newlyweds or if it had been long time in between the times we made love. But every time? He doesn’t want to do it that fast. He says he isn’t too excited (sometimes I beg to differ LOL). Maybe it’s a sensitivity issue. Usually after it happens, he will get soft in a few minutes, leaving me stranded. That embarrasses him and it takes him awhile to get an erection again. He is almost 36 and I am 40. We are non-smoking, non-drinking, not overweight. How do we go about overcoming husband’s premature ejaculation? Help!
ANSWER: This question shows up often. I will share with you information about overcoming premature ejaculation – pharmaceuticals, methods, devices, and more. Before I answer, please allow me to muddy the waters with scientific ramblings. It’s what we do to show people how smart we are. Then I’ll deal with the problem directly.
QUESTON: I am a 22-year-old who feels that she knows less about sex than other people my age. A couple months ago I got married and am learning about sex as we go along. One thing I wonder about is if there is a way that I could reach orgasm during intercourse. I have to have extra stimulation beyond my husband being within me to reach orgasm. Can you tell me how a female can orgasm during intercourse just by penile penetration?
ANSWER: Many couples discover that the wife cannot orgasm from penile penetration alone. Therefore, if you have any worries about you or your husband having some malfunction, throw that thought out. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you or him. Actually, it may bother him more than it does you because some men feel that they may not be large enough or skilled enough if their wives do not orgasm during intercourse from penile penetration. However, that is not the problem. In actuality, there is NO problem. But, if you really want to try to have an orgasm that way, I have a few suggestions.
QUESTION: I hope this message is not out of line. With your educational background and Christian beliefs, you seem to be the perfect person to ask about sex relations in marriage. My question is this; in marriage is sex restricted to intercourse? Is oral sex a sin? Is it impure? Please answer my question. The closer I get to God the more I have doubts about my personal life with my husband.
ANSWER: I think I shocked Lester Holt on the Today Show a few years ago when I listed the three principles I believe sum up Bible sexual prohibitions. We were live, so he could not do anything but gulp when I gave my answer to his question about what God does not allow.
QUESTION: Everyone always says the husband has more sexual desire than the wife, so you can imagine that you feel a little disillusioned when it’s the other way around. It’s always been this way, to a certain extent, but has been exaggerated with having a toddler, stress and busy schedules. We are intimate about once per month, if I’m lucky. I am very dissatisfied with this level of frequency. Not only do I enjoy sex with my husband, but when he doesn’t want me, it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me or undesirable about me and leaves me feeling angry and insecure. On top of this, now we want to try for our second child, but you can’t get pregnant if you don’t have sex! There’s always something that he has to work late and come to bed after me, or he’s too tired or stressed out, etc. I’ve worked hard to lose my post-baby weight, try different romantic things, be thoughtful during the day, everything for over 5 years now, including trying doing nothing. What should I do differently!? Please help!
ANSWER: Please do not include me in the “everyone always says the husband has more sexual desire than the wife.”
QUESTION: I am a divorcee and I miss having sex very much. When I feel the urge (sexual desire), I watch porn and masturbate. No, I am not a sex addict and I am not a porn addict. This may happen once or twice a month and even sometimes a couple of months go by and it doesn’t happen. As a Christian woman, I feel horrible when I do this. I think that masturbation is a sin, but I can’t back it up with Scripture. I am under the impression from reading your blog that you do not think it is sin. Can you please clarify this for me using Scripture? I read on a Christian web site that singles who masturbate do not sin because masturbation is the outlet they can have for their sexual desires since they do not have a wife/husband in their lives. Also, if masturbation is not a sin in and of itself, does it become sin when porn gets added into the mix? And this may sound like a stupid question, but why is watching porn sin? Can you back it up with Scripture? Thank you. God bless.
ANSWER: Unfortunately, I discovered that I started to answer this in October 2011 but somehow lost track of it. Now, a year later, I finally respond. Forgive me please.
It appears that a great percentage of the evangelical community considers masturbation a sin. However, on the rare occasion when I get to query one of them about this belief, it becomes apparent that though they argue against masturbation, in reality their opposition is to
QUESTION: (from the UK) Please, God requires Holiness for Man. I thought of our environment on how many homes are breaking down because of sex and sex satisfaction.
(1) Do Christian have restrictions to sex position? What may a husband and wife do in their inner room with regards to sex style whether dirty or horrible; i.e. anal sex, oral sex, etc.?
(2) If either the wife or husband refuse such approach (sex style) as initiated by one of them, it could lead to adultery, so what can they do?
ANSWER: Ample research exists in the scholarly journals about the relationship between sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction. They appear to increase or decrease simultaneously. However, I have not yet seen solid research that proves causality. It seems intuitive that one affects the other
Question: My husband and I aren’t doing too well. A year ago, he had an affair on more than one occasion with my best girlfriend at the time. He says it never went beyond kissing so I tried so hard to push my feelings down to make it possible to forgive and forget. I just can’t forget it. I would like for my marriage to work but I am afraid that the trust is just gone forever. Not only is trust an issue, we also fight all of the time and he talks down to me. It seems like we have the same conversation about us being unhappy every 6 months. I’m just so worn out. I finally got the courage to leave him and I am staying at a friend’s house. He says he wants to work on it, I’m just not sure. He keeps saying that I am just giving up and that I don’t have one last fighting chance. It is just so hard because 6 months ago he asked for one more chance and did the same thing 6 months before that and so on. My question is, what should we do? Should I continue with the divorce process or should I suck it up and try one last time. I’m just scared that if I do, we will just go back to square one and end up where we are now again in 6 months.
Also, While I am at my friends, he keeps texting me asking me if I will have sex with him. He said he thinks that we should “have a one night stand” he wants me to go back to the house, have sex with him, and then go on my way. I would like to relieve some built up urges but I’m not sure that would be a wise thing to do because I don’t want to send mixed signals. What should I do?
Answer: Some research indicates that men have more difficulty forgiving the sexual aspects of an affair while women have more difficulty forgiving the emotional aspects. That seems to apply to the two of you. He justified his emotional entanglement by assuring you it was only kissing (implying that he views the sexual act as the “bad” thing and he didn’t do that). You have trouble getting past his kissing her because that meant some level of emotional involvement with her.
QUESTION: I’ve been married for 19 years. My husband and I have sex usually 5 times a week. He is very persistent about it happening more often. If I say no he gives me a HUGE guilt trip and will not talk to me for 2 days. I am so angry that he does this to me and desperate for help. He has been diagnosed with an obsessive personality and we have been to counseling many times. Nothing I say or do is working. How do we find a balance? And am I overreacting?
ANSWER: You are not happy that your husband wants sex constantly, and he doesn’t have respect
QUESTION: Where does it say in scripture that I am required to stay in a marriage WITHOUT sex. If my spouse is not physically disabled, not grossly obese, not cheating on me but just NOT interested in having sex and REFUSES to go to counselling unless I agree to breast augmentation. What ARE my choices?? Where does God command a wife or a husband for that matter to stay in an actual sexless marriage. Not sex one time a month or 4 times a year, which is sexless nonetheless, but NEVER. Please give me a straight honest answer…………..Thank you.
ANSWER: Rather than go through all the passages in the Bible that speak to marriage, I believe we can answer your question by looking at just one. It’s found
QUESTION: My husband shares our sex life with his sister, who then shares it with other family members. His sister has made crass jokes about our sex life. This disturbs me immensely. I don’t feel as if he should be sharing our sex life with anyone but me. Am I wrong?
ANSWER: Lovemaking between a husband and wife