Category Archives: Marriage

He Doesn’t Want a Heart to Heart Conversation

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QUESTION: I’m confused. My husband and I are separated. He keeps telling me that he wants to have normal conversations. He talks about nothing. He doesn’t want a heart to heart conversation so we can solve our problems. I just want to know am I wasting my time trying to make this marriage work? He can’t seem to tell me if I am or not. I’m tired of not knowing.

ANSWER:

When people are in a situation such as you describe for your husband, they usually don’t make sense to anyone else because Continue reading →

Husband Cannot Get Past My Affair

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QUESTION: My husband is a home body and chooses to stay away from most things social. I began to build new friendships and rekindle old ones. I made a very bad choice, had an affair, and almost ruined my family. My husband forgave and stood beside me, but as a few years have rolled by he still makes me pay for it every day. My husband cannot get past my affair. He says he wanted it to work out for us but he is making it worse. He treats me like I am a child. He looks at my phone, asks me the same questions everyday about who I’ve seen or talked to. He refuses to wear his wedding band but becomes furious if I don’t have mine on. I cant live like this. What do I do? Help!!!!

ANSWER: The problem you write about is major. Your husband needs to trust you, but he has gone too far.  Continue reading →

Why People Fall Out Of Love

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in-bedQUESTION: When you chose to love someone and get married, it’s supposed to be through good times and bad. I don’t understand how it’s so simple to fall out of love

ANSWER: I’m often asked why people fall out of love. As you would understand, the word love means so many different things to so many different people. In America we refer to loving our Mom, our home, our car, our favorite food, and more. Of course, we don’t mean the same emotion in each of those instances, but it does show that because the word is used in such variation it becomes difficult to define.  Continue reading →

Should I be concerned my husband spends time with other women?

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QUESTION: Joe, my husband works with several women, and occasionally they will have lunch meetings (usually as a group). I was okay with this until a friend told me recently that she saw my husband and one of his co-workers at lunch (in a very trendy lunch spot) and that they looked “too comfortable” for her liking. She said they laughed, looked at iPhone photos, and seemed to be socializing more than working. Should I be concerned my husband spends time with other women?

ANSWER: There are a couple issues in your question that I would like to address.

First, be careful that you do not let your Continue reading →

My Spouse Does Not Share My Dream

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QUESTION: Joe, my spouse does not share my dream. My dream is to travel with my spouse. but she hates travel. We have the means and the time now that kids are in college, I can’t imagine growing old with her and not being able to share this passion. What do I do?

ANSWER: In his book 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman refers to something he calls gridlock. Gridlock occurs when a couple faces a perpetual conflict that appears unsolvable. He writes Continue reading →

There Are A Few Things I Have Not Told My Wife

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QUESTION: Joe, there are a few things I have not told my wife. Although I never had an affair, I had an emotional connection with another woman that went to a brief, but unfulfilled physical encounter. This was over 10 years ago and is totally over. My marriage is better than it has ever been, and I feel that it would be foolhardy to bring this up now. Is it ok to keep quiet, or must I bring this up now and risk turning our marriage upside down? Please share any advice that will help me make the best decision.

ANSWER: as you might imagine, people regularly ask me whether they should tell their spouses about something that they know would hurt them. Sometimes, as in your case, they tell me about an event from years before. (One woman asked me about something that happened over 50 years earlier.) More often, they ask about something that happened more recently.

Whether ancient or recent, my answer remains the same. When considering Continue reading →

My Husband May Be Cheating, But I Have No Proof

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QUESTION: Something in my gut tells me that my husband may be cheating, but I have no proof. I thought about hiring a private investigator to find out. My two best friends are divided on this; one says it is wrong, and the other tells me that I should. Please share any advice that will help me make the best decision.

ANSWER: I certainly understand how upsetting it must be to worry that your husband may be unfaithful. Though devastating to know for sure, at least you would no longer live in the limbo of doubt and fear. Therefore, I understand you considering a private investigator. Either your mind finds peace, or you confront the problem. Seems simple enough, and one of your friends thinks you should.

From my experience working with thousands of marriages, I side with the other friend; the one who says you should not. Continue reading →

My husband wants me to watch porn with him – part 2

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Our last blog began with this question: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?

ANSWER: If you have not read Part One, I recommend you go to this link and read it before reading this blog.

Here, I wish to speak to the part of her question: “How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral Continue reading →

My husband wants me to watch porn with him

Posted on by Posted in God, Marriage, Marriage Trouble, Relationship, Sex, Sin? Wrong? Or not? 3 Comments

QUESTION: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?

ANSWER: Your husband is not alone in his desire to use Sexually Explicit Materials (SEM). On any given day Continue reading →

My husband is not happy with the way I dress or look

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QUESTION: My husband is not happy with the way I dress or look. He wants me to be thin and dress much younger than my age. He’s always comparing me to the wives of our friends and telling me how pretty or sexy they are and that I should be more like them. I admit that I’m heavier than I should be…maybe as much as 30 pounds. Even though I know that he loves me, this disapproval and criticism from him drives me away from him. It doesn’t motivate me to change; instead, it makes my heart harder towards him. I love him and want to grow old with him, but sometimes I want to give up. I will never be what he wants me to be, so what can I do to make our marriage better?

ANSWER: Your question has three major components. All three must be corrected if you are “to grow old with him” as you wish. If not, the “hard heart” you mention eventually will completely Continue reading →

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