QUESTION: I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to fight for someone who doesn’t want me or our marriage. This just isn’t any way to live. I can’t remember the last time I really laughed, I cry constantly, I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of pretending to be happy around him, when I’m not at all, and he knows it’s an act. I’ve said before, and I say again, I’m sick of being the pawn in this hateful game of his. I know he wants a divorce; I can see it in his eyes, yet, he almost never leaves the house without saying “I love you.” It’s the only time he says it, but still, he’s says it. Why is he playing with me? What gives him that right? Why should I just take this crap? I’m more than just a mat for him to wipe his dirty shoes all over. I don’t want to be a statistic like my own parents, but I also can’t continue like this. He said tonight that it is overwhelmingly uncomfortable in this house. That’s putting it mildly. I have tried to make things ok, he won’t budge at all. Everyday gets worse and worse Continue reading
Our last blog began with this question: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?
ANSWER: If you have not read Part One, I recommend you go to this link and read it before reading this blog.
Here, I wish to speak to the part of her question: “How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral Continue reading
QUESTION: Joe, my husband wants me to watch porn with him but I am not comfortable with this. We are both Christians, but we have different views on this subject. He thinks that it is okay if we watch it together and says “the marriage bed is undefiled.” I feel that it is a sin to watch it for any reason. How can I please him sexually without compromising my moral convictions?
ANSWER: Your husband is not alone in his desire to use Sexually Explicit Materials (SEM). On any given day Continue reading
QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have dated for 2 years and need to decide whether to marry or not. The one issue we have is that we have religious differences in our relationship. He is protestant; I am Catholic. Neither of us is willing to give up our faith or religious affiliation, but we truly love each other. Any advice?
ANSWER: I remember reading a study a few years ago which indicated that couples who disagree about their differing churches tend Continue reading
QUESTION: I hope this message is not out of line. With your educational background and Christian beliefs, you seem to be the perfect person to ask about sex relations in marriage. My question is this; in marriage is sex restricted to intercourse? Is oral sex a sin? Is it impure? Please answer my question. The closer I get to God the more I have doubts about my personal life with my husband.
ANSWER: I think I shocked Lester Holt on the Today Show a few years ago when I listed the three principles I believe sum up Bible sexual prohibitions. We were live, so he could not do anything but gulp when I gave my answer to his question about what God does not allow. Continue reading
QUESTION: I am a divorcee and I miss having sex very much. When I feel the urge (sexual desire), I watch porn and masturbate. No, I am not a sex addict and I am not a porn addict. This may happen once or twice a month and even sometimes a couple of months go by and it doesn’t happen. As a Christian woman, I feel horrible when I do this. I think that masturbation is a sin, but I can’t back it up with Scripture. I am under the impression from reading your blog that you do not think it is sin. Can you please clarify this for me using Scripture? I read on a Christian web site that singles who masturbate do not sin because masturbation is the outlet they can have for their sexual desires since they do not have a wife/husband in their lives. Also, if masturbation is not a sin in and of itself, does it become sin when porn gets added into the mix? And this may sound like a stupid question, but why is watching porn sin? Can you back it up with Scripture? Thank you. God bless.
ANSWER: Unfortunately, I discovered that I started to answer this in October 2011 but somehow lost track of it. Now, a year later, I finally respond. Forgive me please.
It appears that a great percentage of the evangelical community considers masturbation a sin. However, on the rare occasion when I get to query one of them about this belief, it becomes apparent that though they argue against masturbation, in reality their opposition is to Continue reading
QUESTION: (from the UK) Please, God requires Holiness for Man. I thought of our environment on how many homes are breaking down because of sex and sex satisfaction.
(1) Do Christian have restrictions to sex position? What may a husband and wife do in their inner room with regards to sex style whether dirty or horrible; i.e. anal sex, oral sex, etc.?
(2) If either the wife or husband refuse such approach (sex style) as initiated by one of them, it could lead to adultery, so what can they do?
ANSWER: Ample research exists in the scholarly journals about the relationship between sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction. They appear to increase or decrease simultaneously. However, I have not yet seen solid research that proves causality. It seems intuitive that one affects the other Continue reading
QUESTION: Where does it say in scripture that I am required to stay in a marriage WITHOUT sex. If my spouse is not physically disabled, not grossly obese, not cheating on me but just NOT interested in having sex and REFUSES to go to counselling unless I agree to breast augmentation. What ARE my choices?? Where does God command a wife or a husband for that matter to stay in an actual sexless marriage. Not sex one time a month or 4 times a year, which is sexless nonetheless, but NEVER. Please give me a straight honest answer…………..Thank you.
ANSWER: Rather than go through all the passages in the Bible that speak to marriage, I believe we can answer your question by looking at just one. It’s found Continue reading
USA Today reports that Pat says divorce is okay if one’s spouse has Alzheimer’s. When asked about vows such as “until death do us part” he opined that Alzheimer’s is “a kind of death.” He went on to say that the departing spouse should arrange proper care for the disease victim, but that to move on to another marriage is acceptable.
Without doubt, this and many other questions about whether or when to divorce an diminished spouse come wrapped in a plethora of emotions. Some see the caretaker spouse as chained, Continue reading
From my friend Lindsey Osterhoff…
If you are at all a fan of Classic rock, you may know the Eric Clapton song Continue reading