I once described a hero as Continue reading
QUESTION: My husband didn’t blink an eye when I told him to move into the spare room. But he didn’t move before vividly describing more things about me that anger him. I wish he would have brought this to my attention years ago (literally). I don’t understand why he never said anything about it before, now he says it’s too late, he can’t move on from it. Is it too late to save my marriage?
ANSWER: Obviously, neither I or anyone else can tell you what happened in your past. Every couple’s past is unique to some degree. On the other hand, there are often Continue reading
QUESTION: I’m confused. My husband and I are separated. He keeps telling me that he wants to have normal conversations. He talks about nothing. He doesn’t want a heart to heart conversation so we can solve our problems. I just want to know am I wasting my time trying to make this marriage work? He can’t seem to tell me if I am or not. I’m tired of not knowing.
When people are in a situation such as you describe for your husband, they usually don’t make sense to anyone else because Continue reading
In my work with marriages in crisis since 1994, 67% of those marriages have been affected by infidelity. Some on the part of the husband, some the wife, some both. If the affair was short-lived – primarily about sex – the crisis is real but not as difficult to repair as when one of them is “madly in love” with another person. I understand that many who work with marriages in trouble refuse to enroll couples if one spouse is still in this emotional state with the paramour. Over the years, I’ve welcomed them to our workshops even in the midst of these emotionally powerful affairs and have had great success Continue reading
QUESTION: I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to fight for someone who doesn’t want me or our marriage. This just isn’t any way to live. I can’t remember the last time I really laughed, I cry constantly, I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of pretending to be happy around him, when I’m not at all, and he knows it’s an act. I’ve said before, and I say again, I’m sick of being the pawn in this hateful game of his. I know he wants a divorce; I can see it in his eyes, yet, he almost never leaves the house without saying “I love you.” It’s the only time he says it, but still, he’s says it. Why is he playing with me? What gives him that right? Why should I just take this crap? I’m more than just a mat for him to wipe his dirty shoes all over. I don’t want to be a statistic like my own parents, but I also can’t continue like this. He said tonight that it is overwhelmingly uncomfortable in this house. That’s putting it mildly. I have tried to make things ok, he won’t budge at all. Everyday gets worse and worse Continue reading
QUESTION: My husband is in love with another woman. I believe that what he is feeling for the other woman is what you call limerence. Since he has moved out, he has asked me to bring him medicine when sick, and he got me a shirt the day he had me served with divorce papers. Yesterday when I talked to him he said I haven’t done anything to make him fall back in love. Also that I haven’t checked on him… then immediately replies, not that I want you too. I feel like I can’t say or do anything right and that he is happy when we have no contact. What would you suggest?
ANSWER: It breaks my heart that your husband is in love with another woman. I’m sure that hurts deeply. I’m also sorry that he gives you mixed signals such as telling you he doesn’t love you, serving you with divorce papers, but then giving you a present. People in limerence fluctuate, Continue reading
QUESTION: How do I let him know he’s my everything when I now know I’m his nothing? After years together how can I mean nothing to him?
ANSWER: I am so sorry for your pain. Before I answer your question, Continue reading
QUESTION: My husband is a home body and chooses to stay away from most things social. I began to build new friendships and rekindle old ones. I made a very bad choice, had an affair, and almost ruined my family. My husband forgave and stood beside me, but as a few years have rolled by he still makes me pay for it every day. My husband cannot get past my affair. He says he wanted it to work out for us but he is making it worse. He treats me like I am a child. He looks at my phone, asks me the same questions everyday about who I’ve seen or talked to. He refuses to wear his wedding band but becomes furious if I don’t have mine on. I cant live like this. What do I do? Help!!!!
ANSWER: The problem you write about is major. Your husband needs to trust you, but he has gone too far. Continue reading
ANSWER: I’m often asked why people fall out of love. As you would understand, the word love means so many different things to so many different people. In America we refer to loving our Mom, our home, our car, our favorite food, and more. Of course, we don’t mean the same emotion in each of those instances, but it does show that because the word is used in such variation it becomes difficult to define. Continue reading
QUESTION: My husband is having an affair. He has gone from being a respected member of the community and church to someone who has thrown away all of his morals and values. He met this much younger woman in a runner’s group, and “fell in love” with her. He told me that he doesn’t love me anymore, that he never loved me, and that he just wants to be with her. He wants a divorce, refuses counseling, and hasn’t been swayed by all the friends and family who are fully standing with me. Our kids are devastated. What do I do? I love him, but I don’t know him anymore. He is not the man I married, and I fear that man is gone forever. Do I stay and fight, or do I move on?
ANSWER: I am so sorry to hear of your difficulty. Unfortunately, Continue reading