Save Your Marriage

Maybe you've seen Joe on ABC's Good Morning America, The Montel Williams Show, NBC's The Today Show, The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet or other national TV. Perhaps you've heard him on Focus on the Family or read about him in People magazine. Joe helps marriages that seem hopeless. If your marriage needs help, click here to learn about Joe's seminar that saves troubled marriages.

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wife wants divorce to be with another

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 | Marriage Trouble | admin0

Q: Read your blog “husband angry, unable to forgive.” Joe, this is my situation almost exactly; except my wife says she doesn’t love me and wants a divorce. I haven’t been the right kind of husband for years, but I thought I was, so I wouldn’t budge, and she detached herself from me and then the “mistake” came. HELP !!!

A: Forgive me if my assumption is wrong, but I assume the mistake you refer to is that your wife is (or has been) involved with another man. As you saw in my blog to which you refer, I don’t view that as a mistake but a very poor decision leading to wrong actions. Nevertheless, you say she wants to divorce you. Let’s talk about how you may be able to turn that around.

You admit that you “wouldn’t budge” over the years. Often we see that in men. The wife complains about the relationship, wanting more, but the husband tends to defend himself with, “Hey, I’m not running around on you, drinking to much, gambling, (whatever), so we have a good marriage.” While it is important that those type negative things do not occur, you cannot build a marriage by what you do NOT do. To build a marriage, or any type relationship, each person must do what it takes to make love grow. Leave it to itself, untended, and it slowly dies. Of course, you now know that, so forgive me for emphasizing the point. (I do so for others who have not yet found themselves in your situation.)

If your wife is a Christian or has strong moral values, you may wish to find people that she respects and get them to do an intervention to try to save your marriage. It is unlikely to work if you do the intervention, but if people she respects follow the guidelines in the link in the last sentence, it may well be possible to turn this situation around.

If not, you may wish to consider asking her if she will come with you to one of our weekend workshops for marriages in crisis. From what you write, it appears that she wouldn’t wish to come to save the marriage, but it is fascinating that many people will come for other reasons such as:

being able to say they’ve tried everything,
get a better deal in the divorce,
get minister/parents/children/friends off their backs,
clear their consciences,
and many other reasons.

The wonderful thing is that even if they do not wish to be there, we still have a three out of four chance of saving their marriages if we can just get them into the workshop for all three days.

In the meantime, pray. Pray with all your heart, mind, and soul. Ask God to intervene and put blockades in the way of your divorce and create situations that can lead to the reconciliation of your marriage. Also, tell him honestly (don’t lie to the Father) that you WILL change as you learn how to be the husband you need to be.

In the meantime, for more information, call us at 866-903-0990 or click here.